there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
You got so drunk you kept singing the Sailor Moon theme song and kept making everyone call you Sailor Venus.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
