when you close your eyes do you see, that mystical creature will be me.
who is this?
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Some guy is walking around the bar with his dick out. Health code violation?
It's raining. Will need ride home and blow job.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
I'm high on the exercise bike at the gym. I feel like Lance Armstrong
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
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