you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
Hangover or death. Death. I'll have a slice of death please.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
Randomize
