they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
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