if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
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