i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I wore my front clasp bra so he would have to prove his sobriety to me before we had sex.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
i was really hopeful that i could make it to the end of the semester without doing something stupid enough to destroy our relationship but i guess i was wrong..........thanks vodka
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
