I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I was going through my mom's high school yearbook...almost half the people who signed it referred to her as "Karen Smokejoints", "Confused Karen", or drew a picture of a joint. I have never felt more like her daughter.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
