honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
Can u please come get me. My car keys are gone. Somehow I ended up sleeping in my trunk
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
The stall at this bar had mirrors all around. I just looked at myself take a shit from like 3 different angles
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
Randomize
