I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
I just took a service station dump so foul I had to buy gas out of guilt
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
i just got drunk and created an entire Dr Seuss unit for my first graders.
Let this be a lesson to you, parmesan cheese crumbles are not a good substitute for coffee creamer, no matter how high you are
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
