ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I think that's mostly how we became friends.
Well that, and your desire to put your penis in me.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Observations from Vegas: #1. Strippers pasties pose a choking hazard. #2. Best. Heimlich. Ever.
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
I have 2 bottles of wine, a sharpie, and a panda mask and don't have to wake up early. Can u do the math on this?
Randomize
