his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
I mean we've tried to get high on nutmeg, we clearly dont know the definition of "too far"
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I find him attractive in the absolute weirdest way. Like I need him to do my taxes, but I also feel like I should spill things on him to gain his attention and then lick it off to gain his affection.
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
Randomize
