Why did I cab home last night?
Because you said you were drunk, sad, and someone called you a hooker.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
If I don't get my shit together, I'm going to be one of those really fucked up cases on 1000 ways to die
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
how drunk are you?
Several
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Randomize
