my being single is dangerous.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
