She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Saw the guy I once slept with, he was buying Beer and shit tone of diapers. Glad to see how 2016 will turn out.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
