I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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