At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
she pinky promised me she was 18
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
Don't forget the part about the bar bathroom stumbles.
Oh damn, you're right. I have to include that. You turned off all the lights with your head. That was impressive.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize
