He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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