He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
And before you get all mad cause I said "nipples," I actually discarded "you are so wet right now" and "you have such a raging clit-on right now."
That's called being sensitive.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Plan b and 5 hour enegery breakfast of a champion
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
