Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I have a very hazy flashback of me making out with a guy in a seashell bra??! Can you confirm or deny
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
Thanks for having me and my emotional baggage over last night.
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
I think I just read the whole internet. Front to back.
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Randomize
