wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
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