I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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