Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
So I cleaned out my gym bag. Found half a bottle of malibu.
You know, I could pretend I'm shocked but what's the use?
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
I don't remember much of half-time. I do remember climbing onto the roof of the fraternity and telling people I was going to stargaze in French.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I feel like despite his sleaziness I could be friends with this man. he just sent me a picture of his dog's balls.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Randomize
