did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
I'd like to say yes, but I nearly lost my shit when I assumed there was no back to my house. I am not strong enough for hallucinations.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
You kept saying "this bitch", mumbled incoherently for like 5 minutes, took a shot, and kept going.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
