Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
Dude..her orgasm sent her into a seizure...theres no joke here. It happened.
How dare you send me a picture after midnight that isn't porn. You know the rules.
This bitch flirting at the bar needs to close her legs and open up a book. I can literally feel my IQ dropping every time she bends down to show her tits.
Jealous?
Very.
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
I was amazing, unlike anything he's ever experienced. I somehow made him feel young and old.and he never felt old before. He feels I will literally kill him. With my magic, lethal vagina.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I hate that I will forever be known as the girl who puked on the front lawn. That only happened once.
Also, why does our bed smell like mayonnaise?
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
Randomize
