well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
slow down on the beer.. we don't need another pentabong projectile hot dog incident
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
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