i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
Cheese, the small of a woman's back, the universe, mountains, vampiric demons, sleep, and dreams.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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