We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Randomize
