you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
He got in a shopping cart outside of home depot and insisted we push him down a flight of stairs. For science.
You’re welcome stay at my house. But, you gotta piss in the toilet
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
Randomize
