I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
No one even knew you were hurt until we saw the multiple cuts to prove it, and when we asked what happened all you could say was "I fell out"
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.
Okay good. And who the fuck put a condom on my foot. That shit hurt
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
I don't know how to reply to him. 'I'm glad the ecstasy my friend tricked you into taking wore off'...? It just doesn't seem sincere
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
She tried to fuck me right at the bar in front of everyone. She actually got my pants unzipped before I realized what was going on.
Today we memorialize my orgasms. Taken from me over six months ago, gone too soon. Here's to hoping we'll see one again
Randomize
