Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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