We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
"Party in the USA" was played at church youth group last night. It was like everything I enjoy hating was aligning against me.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
