Porn is love you can see.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
