Definitely still drunk while signing the 'responsible adult' form at the hospital
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
As i looked at his penis, it stared back into my soul. No more drinking games.
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Zach is always passed out on the floor somewhere.face down in a puddle of his own absurdity
You are a booty call, not a friend.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
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