Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
I am the drunkest girl in the tree.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
It's been a year of occasional hook ups....this was bound to happen sometime even with your jank ovary schedule.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
As if I wouldn't steal Nintendo brand "Mario is my HOMEBOY!" boxers when he gave me the entire drawer to choose from.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
Randomize
