Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
