Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
She cut off the top of a watermelon and is now eating it with a spoon. She's more than half done.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
He's so drunk that he's ignoring me and just doing what my cat does.
Oh god he's trying to eat cat food... I don't know if I should stop him or continue laughing....
Randomize
