What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
Last night I passed a kidney stone as I came inside her. Worst. Experience. Ever.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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