maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
You were dancing on the bar and fell off into the arms of the hot bartender. It was like a fairy tale, with more alcohol.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
I just smoked a bowl alone and took my Zyrtec here's to a full night.
I don't even care if you were high. The fact that I've been begging for us to have those cinnamon rolls for months and you didn't even save me one is not ok.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
