i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
During breaking dawn, he leaned over and asked me why she would have to worry about her period since she essentially just married a walking super-absorbant tampon... It was the best way to ruin those movies for me.
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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