found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Dignity is for republicans.
I havnt even moved into my new place yet and there's already a county sheriffs card taped to the door with my name on it asking me to call him
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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