Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
I miss the good ol' days when we would yell at strangers from your balcony while wearing our mexican ponchos in the middle of the day.
what ever happened to our old dealer?
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
