Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I vaguely remember a drunken mid sex pinky promise to not let it get weird.
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
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