my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
My neighbor is on the his front porch in a robe dipping a popsicle into what appears to be vodka. I want to be his son.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I really need to get to the point where I can poop at his house. I’ve taken three shits on the way home already.
Randomize
