is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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