i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
No way man ... This is real life. Complete sentences and everything.
Randomize
