so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
nutella sex= disaster
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
