next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Randomize
