TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
She's NOT homeless...she graduated early.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
this kid just offered me adderall in exchange for my meal points. college at its finest
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
boy from dating site added me on facebook. i don't know if i'm ready for him to see what a drunk i am.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
BING! You are now free to move about my panties. He just left for work.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
