2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
I think I died a long time ago.
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
You're just mad that I don't wanna have dugout sex with you
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
The boys wrestled in the living room for the last condom while the girls chanted, "THE LAST MELON."
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
Randomize
