The pirates hijacked 3 more ships today!!
we need a boat to join in
Obama is on top of it we'd get killed within mins, but we'd live in legend foreva
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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