we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
sorry to break it to you, but he's definitely fucking that other girl now...
I wish I still at least had the bruises on my ass to remember him by.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
He's teaching me French for free and I'm giving him blowjobs. Win-win.
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