I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
Too much gin, very little bucket
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
people in the room actually applauded when we discovered you had the ability to somehow throw up on your own back
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
